I would dance
twirling like an idiot, fun in the basest sense
arms in knots, legs, hips, all out of sync.
Only for love of movement, felt it had no appeal.
Until he made it very clear,
my dance was for his pleasure as well.
Then I realized I shouldn’t do that anymore.
I would dress
how I wanted, assuming nothing about the power of skin.
Trusting that I didn’t owe anyone a modesty I didn’t possess.
I was young, liking bright colours and a free fabric.
Until they made it very clear,
that they were staring.
Then I realized I shouldn’t do that anymore.
I would joke
crude, at times out of place.
But they laughed, some finding joy.
I thought it was nothing but superficial.
Until some made it very clear,
that is an invitation to more.
Then I realized I shouldn’t do that anymore.
I would talk
sharing for friendship, support, openness.
Hereditary speech, raised like that.
Tell myself they appreciate honesty.
Until they made it very clear,
my tongue is only good for a laugh.
Then I realized I shouldn’t do that anymore.
And then I realized I can no longer afford to care.
And then I realized
And then I realized
This year I’ve had a realization. A realization that there is a perception of me held by some individuals that is untrue and unflattering. For the beginning of the term I was deeply affected by this, thinking of ways I could redeem my identity in the eyes of these people. It consumed me. I cared more about others opinions than I ever had before. There was such a pressing need to be like that I couldn’t focus; every time I thought I had committed a faux-pas, I panicked.
And then I realized.
It doesn’t matter. I can not afford to chase all the loose ends of unflattering communication. If I hunted down every tiny thing, I would not have time to focus on myself. Stepping back, I now acknowledge that those who had negative thoughts on me were a tiny minority. Moving forward, I have to realize I cannot appeal to everyone. I cannot manipulate myself to fit to everyone’s tastes. I am not made for the masses.
I’m made for me.
Gif: Anna Macht https://annamachtart.tumblr.com/post/173360583758/greeting
Dear Claire,
I am at a loss for words. This piece is amazing, and bascially everything you write is amazing! I enjoy reading your writing a lot because so much of what you write inspires me, and they are really relatable.
When I first read the title, I read it as if it was the first line in this, and I found it flowed really well, and then I realized, (that was a coincednce) that that was the theme of this. I love that every time you said “then I realized,” you put it on the other side of the page, which stylistically works really well. This piece was written really well, and you havent left any room for improvement because of the overall perfection of it. I love the lines where you talked about people staring and how you realized you should stop dancing, but at the end you said that theyre opinions dont matter basically, I really felt that and respect how well you are able to put things together.
All in all, I adore your writing and cannot wait to read more of your work in the future!
Love, Sarah (:
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I’m so glad you liked it!
Dear Claire,
I am always in awe of you’re work. I love this piece. the continued line of ,’ and then i realized i shouldnt do that anymore,’ is so beautifully carried out throughout the poem. I love that this piece is so vulnerable . I love seeing that side of you. I am also so intrigued by how well this piece flows even though it has shifted lines. I feel like every line is so meaningful and necessary . You put so much soul and heart into what you have said, that I can feel your voice through the piece.
It is hard to make a piece that is this good better. My only suggestion would perhaps be to change the font when you no longer wish to conform to what others want from you. That way you have the change evident in the written piece as well.
Thank you for putting you’re all into this piece.
Yours Lovingly,
Pragya
Thank you Pragya!
I only recently added new fonts, so I haven’t been able to play with them yet. Good idea! I love you and your work, and to hear that you enjoy my pieces is so amazing!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love,
Claire